Already got asked if we're dating
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
