She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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