it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
