so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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