I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
