Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
my liver is dry heaving
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
