He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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