How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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