His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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