Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
