She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
