Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
