it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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