haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize