Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
