i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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