We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
