ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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