So drunk its hurt
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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