So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
