You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
