someone threw a dead crab at me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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