I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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