If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
