Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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