The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need a burrito and a hug.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
