bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
