I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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