I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
