I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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