im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
