i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
