Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
