I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
