trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
