Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
