it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
