I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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