I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
