he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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