We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
