Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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