i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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