I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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