I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
