first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
