I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The uberlube is also flammable
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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