Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I love having hate sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
