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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
