3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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