I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
