help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I love how my cats smell like pot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
