his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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