hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
