Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
