nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dear god my vagina.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
