Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
