could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize