I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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