Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
