just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
