I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
