you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
