we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
3 2 1 whiskey
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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