I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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